


Exile

by ScribblesInTheMargins



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, End of Relationship, Jealousy, Long Distance / Reunion, M/M, Post-Canon, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27183142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribblesInTheMargins/pseuds/ScribblesInTheMargins
Summary: When Yuri was fifteen, he met the love of his life.When Yuri was eighteen, he had to accept that his love had moved on.When a relationship ends, sometimes the best thing to do is cut all tied -- never see them again.  If you are both elite figure skaters, you never have that luxury.
Relationships: Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky
Comments: 28
Kudos: 47
Collections: Otayuri Week 2020





	Exile

**Author's Note:**

  * For [venom_for_free](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venom_for_free/gifts).



> This is a little piece written for Otayuri week 2020 Day 1. Long Distance / Reunion, you can find more information about the event at 
> 
> [ OtaYuri Week 2020 ](http://twitter.com/otayuriweek)
> 
> I can be found at
> 
> [ Scribbles in The Margins ](http://www.twitter.com/scribblesitm)
> 
> I would like to add a special thanks to Venom for being so welcoming of me. Thank you for rekindling my feelings about Yuri and Otabek and accepting me how I am. The community you have created has meant the world.

Prodigy. I hate that word. It's a stupid word that people like to slap on others when they don't understand hard work. Skating prodigy? No, I worked harder than everyone else, that's why I was so good. Accepted to Yakov's training program on my first attempt? I'll tell you how that happened—I worked harder than the others. Long after they had all gone home, I was at some shit outdoor rink in the dark doing jumps that any sane person would have never done on that ice. I didn't have the luxury other kids had of not needing to be the best. I needed it, so I made sure I got it. I wasn't lucky, at least not any luckier than anyone else that was trying. I put in twice the work. That is how I did it.

My career as a Junior that was a string of gold medals? Yeah, I spent all my time at the rink. You should have seen my grades. Yakov was threatening me with tutors since I was eleven, Seniors, same thing. I moved in with Lilia Baronovskaya, for fuck's sake. After that, everyone just expected me to be perfect.

I made mistakes though. I really did. I wish I hadn't, but that's how I ended up like this. This gold medal around my neck doesn't matter. The anthem playing and the fans cheering just didn't matter. I was getting glared at and I knew it. People will say that you always look like that, but you didn't used to look like that when you looked at me. I should have known that day when you told me I had the eyes of a soldier that the real me would never live up to what you wanted. Who the hell puts that much pressure on a fifteen-year-old? I was just a kid.

As I went to get down from the top of the podium, I realized you were already gone. No one would say anything to you since you were interacting with your fans, but at least Leo didn't rush off. I'm taller now, but not tall enough that that stupid high podium wasn’t a challenge. Thankfully, Leo helped me down to the third-place platform and we were both able to skate over for the little victory lap that we're supposed to take. I should have realized what you'd do. I damn well know how much you hated helping me up—but you had no choice. Podium ceremonies have their pattern, and even you can't break that decorum.

That's how we got to tonight. I really don't want to go down to the banquet, but I have the gold, so I'm expected. Maybe I should have fucked up a jump, anything, to be in fourth so my presence wouldn’t be missed—but no, it would be. Everyone expects me to be there. I used to love these. I used to love having you here, sitting on the bed and grousing that I was taking so long. I had thought that was just our thing. I guess you actually were mad about it. I didn't realize you really thought I took too long. I didn't realize a lot of things though. Turns out I wasn't a prodigy at everything. I thought you were the one person I could just be me with…I should have put the same work into that I do to everything else. It's too late now.

I forget who designed my suit, I just know I am supposed to wear it and post a few pictures on my social media. I look good, I made sure of that. I put the work in for that. Maybe you were right. Maybe I just didn't value you enough. Maybe I did take you for granted. I missed all the signs.

I walk into the banquet hall after taking a few pictures in the hotel lobby. The fans love it when I take pictures with them, and it feels more natural to post those. I know how careful I need to be about seeming vain. You made sure I have to be careful with the accusations you put out there after we broke up.

It's been four months. It's been the longest four months of my life. I have to act like it doesn't bother me—my image couldn't take the hit if they knew the truth. I would be ruined if they knew how many tears I cried over you. When you moved your stuff out…I still don't know how you did it. Maybe it was when I was at the NHK trophy, maybe you did most of the packing then. I don't know. What I know is that when I walked into our apartment after our fight at the Grand Prix Final, I thought our place had been broken into. Only your things were gone. You didn't even miss any dirty clothes in the laundry. You had been my everything for so long and you were just gone as if you never had been.

There had been fights before that, and maybe I overreacted. No, I  _ had _ overreacted, I know that. I didn't know what I was doing. This was all so new and so big and so…I was fifteen when you told me about how you had seen me at the summer camp. I was fifteen when you told me I had the eyes of a soldier. I was fifteen when you became the most important person in my world. I was only fifteen…

I'm not fifteen anymore. I haven't been fifteen in a long time, but maybe I haven't been acting like it. Your last words to me were that I have to grow up. You are probably right.

I walk into the room and it's already so crowded. People are talking, there are appetizers, and everyone is crowded around the bar. Thank god this one is in a country where eighteen is legal for alcohol. I'm probably going to need it. Yeah, that's a recent thing for me. I hadn't needed anything to dull the pain before you left, not even when I broke my wrist.

I wasn't ready for this. I didn't let anyone know it affected me, I have no idea how I managed that. There you are, standing across the room with your arm against the wall as you're talking to someone. I don't know him. I vaguely know he's one of the pairs skaters. I see you laugh when he says something. Then he wraps an arm around you, and you are both so close to each other— I turn away. I walk to the bar, not letting anything get to me. You're not mine, not anymore. I can't escape. Everywhere I am, there you are. I can't relax, because I can't let you pass me, get better than me, beat me. I want to fight him. I want to grab him and pummel him until my knuckles are bloody, but instead, I get a drink from the bar. It wouldn't make a difference anyway. I already lost you.

It's over. I have a vodka in my hand when I see you kissing him. Maybe he'll be able to read your mind because I sure as hell failed at that. I didn't even see the break-up coming. I missed all the signs. You're not mine anymore. You were my everything. 

I end up passing the evening talking to sponsors long after you leave with that other man. I can't let it get to me because I can't let your accusations be true. I can't let people know how true.

Tonight, I'll go to bed alone. It's officially the off-season, but I can't rest. I canceled our vacation plans—the ones I hadn't told anyone about, even you. I'll do what I've always done. I'll work harder. I'll train longer. I'll make sure that I am the victor. I’ve always been willing to sacrifice anything to be the best; now, I don't have anything left to lose. I'll become the ever-evolving monster they accused me of being all those years ago, because that's all I have left besides this half-empty glass and a medal that means nothing to me. My broken heart isn't even worth mentioning.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
